put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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