Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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