I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
COCAINE IS GR8
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
