Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You ruined the universe
Randomize
