i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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