Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
