She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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