took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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