just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
