i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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