She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize