I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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