the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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