I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
