I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
