Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
