That's intense
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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