dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
