gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
we're so committed to being not committed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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