We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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