my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
