I puked a lego.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
