took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
