i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
