Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
