i was born a porn star she said
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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