It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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