i barfeds in our rink
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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