dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
