whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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