i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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