dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
