so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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