you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
