just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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