Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize