Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
