i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
