You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
