I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
