dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize