At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
