You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
