Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
being pregnant is like rehab
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
