hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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