You're my little dorito
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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