she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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