Already got asked if we're dating
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
