My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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