Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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