Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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