do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
