I want to make a zoo with you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize