we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
