The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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