Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the day after is always just damage control
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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