its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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