Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
