Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I want to have your abortion
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
