How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize