What did we do last night that was yellow?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
