I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
