so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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