Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
