You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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