too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
