Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
