Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
