i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
