I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
