it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize