So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
