The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
