Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
