I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
