i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
