God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
