Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
