I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
