Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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