i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
