Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
