i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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