We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
