I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
