i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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