Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
