She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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