great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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