do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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