you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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