I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
