i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
