Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize