Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
