She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize