Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
