Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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