my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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