if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize