thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
