You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
well you can't waste a boner
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
