He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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