She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
