Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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